Why I Love My Mother

My parents arrived from Butterworth yesterday, bringing the dog and 2 crates of oranges (if you knew my family, this is nothing unusual)

I got home after work at around 830, suffering from a hideous case of sore throat. Which is also not surprising, considering I had fried cod, fried calamari, and fried whitebait for lunch (binge, much?).

Aaaanyway. This is the conversation that went on:

Me: Mom, I'm not having dinner tonite. I've got a sore throat.
Mom: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I've got a sore throat.
Mom: I've just heated up the mutton curry - are you sure you don't want dinner?
Me: Yep, I've got a sore throat.
Mom: How about some fried banana chips?

It would've been hilarious had it not felt like I was constantly trying to swallow a chainsaw.

It's funny now, though. Although I'm still feeling like I'm swallowing chainsaws, and now I have this hippo sitting on my head.

I think I'm coming down with something.


Mood: Bleh

I Learned Something New

I'm going to start my life right by (1) being grateful for all the little things in my life, and (2) learning something new each day.

However, being the depressed, psychotic and immensely bipolar bitch that I am, (1) is probably not, in all likelihood, going to happen in the near future. So I'm starting with (2).

I like learning things. And I like sharing (oh, how I like sharing - just ask Tim). So I present to you, dear readers, the very first installment of DarkThalia's I Learned Something New - a new word!


Pele's Hair

(PAY-layz hair)

noun - Thin strands of volcanic glass, formed when lava is thrown into the air by the explosion of a volcano. Named after Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of fire and volcanoes (and not the football star, you fools)

(taken from Wordsmith.org)


Mood: Say WHAT?

My Passion

I don't know.

Somewhere along the way, I lost it.

While I was surviving Life, I lost its savour.

Got too caught up in the Doing that I forgot to Be. Gotta meet my quota, gotta pay the bills, gotta get a boyfriend, gotta get married, gotta have kids. Why do I do all these things that enable me to live, when I have so lost the desire for Life itself?

It was so easy when I was a kid. All I wanted was to travel. To visit Paris, climb Notre Dame, fall in love in Sacre' Coeur. The want was so strong I could taste it. Even now, 20 years on, I can still feel the ghost of that old desire rippling through my heart.

I've done all that, and more. And have slowly grown complacent, fat and contented in the knowledge that I've achieved my childhood fantasies. And ignored the fact that while childhood fantasies are all well and good, there are grown-up fantasies that have yet to be fulfilled.

And therein lies the problem.

I have absolutely no idea what my grown-up fantasies are, or even what they should be. The vagaries of life have worn me down, putting up walls between me and my goals even before I know what my goals are. There's never enough time, enough money, enough opportunity to do the things I want to do (although at this point I have no clue what I want to do. The very suggestion that I can't do what I want is enough to put me off any idea completely) And so I amble on, not unhappy but having a sense of disquiet, that something just doesn't fit.

This post isn't to announce that I have had an epiphany and will tell you (at the end of this rant) that I have suddenly gained clarity and would like to ride an elephant across the Pyrenees, or live among the Yanomami in the rainforests of South America. So sorry to disappoint.

I will probably live a clueless, desire-less life for a little while longer.But even without a goal, there is something I can do in the meantime.

Follow my passion.

The thing that has been a shining thread of joy running through the warp and weft of my life. The one unchanging thing that I turn to, again and again, when the highs and lows are simply too much to bear.

Which is, ironically, what I'm doing at this very moment.


Mood: Contemplative

Warning: Massive Introspection To Follow

This post is to inform you that I will be conducting some serious soul-searching for the next few days/weeks/months.

So please expect a lot of mindless rambling.

I wish I had peyote. Those American Indians had it right.

Well, failing that, the best I can do in this country is a lot of meditation and yoga. And talking to God. And possibly eating lots of sugar. Although that'll probably just make me giggle lots (which is actually what eating pot made me do) - but a girl has to try.

My soul hurts.

Mood: Confused and Unhappy

My Myers-Briggs Personality Type

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

I've had this argument with DavidC - he says I'm more of a ENFJ (or ESFP) than an ENFP.

But 3 different online tests can't be wrong, can they?

I will have to have Philippe administer my test for me. Definitely worth a couple of mojitos!

Mood: Feeling like an ENFP

Of Frenchmen and Puppet Parodies

Well.

Have just returned from a lovely holiday in Singapore. Bunked with DavidC and Philippe, spent a wonderful 4 days there.

How to explain?

Singapore is a gorgeous country. A bit too nanny-like for my tastes, but when I'm just barely keeping my chin up out of the heaving chaos that is rush-hour KL, potholed roads and motorbikes with faulty brakes but working horns, stepping into Singapore, with her pristine streets and well-oiled MRT system is like slipping quietly into a deep pool. Noises fall away which I never knew were there.

But maybe it was all due to timing. After all, I did arrive during the CNY holidays, which means that 95% of Singaporeans were not in Singapore. So it was all empty streets and easy taxis and unclogged nightclubs.

And being with D & P was such a joy - it seemed that all my cares just melted away for those 4 days. My soul had never been lighter.

It's one of those memories to cherish.



Mood: Blissfully Refreshed

I met up with Philippe tonight on his stopover to Vientiane. The last time I saw him was more than a year ago, but it was like time never passed. We were chatting with no end in sight. He introduced me to The Attic (well, David C. did, actually) and it was the perfect place I had been looking for nearly all my adult life. Listening to the music, with lively conversation and good wine, I realised this was the closest thing to bliss I have ever felt. And spending it with Philippe was such a joy.
Good friends are so hard to come by. Another precious moment to cherish. I am learning to recognise them as they arrive, and not as they pass by. May all such moments come fast and plenty, and with the same sharp clarity.

My boyfriend has the organisational skills of a jelly doughnut.

It's 2am on a Tuesday morning. I need to be awake and going to the office in 5 hours.
It's raining and the smell of the earth and the grass is wafting in through the open windows. The rush of the rain reminds me of cool, lazy afternoons as a child, lulling me into a sense of comfort and nostalgia. House is playing (last episode of Season 1 - I'm doing a House marathon) and I'm stretched out under a comfy blanket.
It's one of those warm, happy moments that pass all too few and fleetingly. I must remember this.

She-Ra's been dubbed into Tamil. Now I've seen everything.

It doesn't sound half-bad, though. But that's probably because I don't really know the language.

It's 10pm. There are madly chirping baby birds outside my hotel room window. This afternoon, after a request for a jug of water and a jug of ice, Room Service shows up with a jug of ice water, and ice in a black plastic bag. The water was promptly poured into the water kettle, and the jug taken away. Possibly to address some urgent jug deficit happening elsewhere. We are left with slowly melting ice cubes in a black plastic bag, because the 40-year-old minibar fridge doesn't work.

Welcome to Bintulu.

My mum's in ICL - when I know what it means I'll tell you - at IJN (this one I know - Institut Jantung Negara). She's gone in for an angiogram, which is pretty straightforward. But what isn't straightforward is the angioplasty the doctors say is highly likely. And a chance of a bypass if the angioplasty doesn't take. All this doesn't sound too reassuring but what can a daughter do? I'd take her place if I could, but I'm damned chickenshit when it comes to pain(God help me if I'm ever in labour).
So here we are, Dad, Bro and I, waiting outside the ICL(still don't know), being all macho (the men, at least) and ignoring the fact that all this scares us to death. That underneath Mum's tough-nut exterior, she's still heartbreakingly fragile, and there's nothing we can do about it. If it was her liver, or kidney, we'd be in there donating whatever we could. But the heart is a tricky little bugger even in the best situations.
So here we sit, in our bubble of familial silence amidst the everday clatter and hiss of the IJN cardiology wing, and my head is whipping around at every sound of opening doors. People are laughing, making jokes, acting as if it is any other ordinary day. They have loved ones too in there, so what do I have to worry about? Trust that it will all turn out right, that I'll have Mum back in a couple of hours, poring over her sudoku and/or complaining that the crosswords in the womens' mags are just too easy.

Hope and Peace, all.

Update: 2.35pm

Mum's out. Amazingly, her arteries are good and the stents are holding. Dad is more devout than ever and I am seriously beginning to believe the power of prayer. I'm keeping Mum company until we can both go home at 8 tonight.

Life is suddenly very, very good.

Meeeooowwwrrrr

Am at Cat's Whiskers in Damansara Perdana. Waiting to try on stuff, I'm painfully aware of how dowdy I am in my grey collared T and jeans, surrounded by so many would-be fashionistas in their up-to-the-minute babydoll tops and kitschy tights.
And then I spy this lady coming out with a see-thru, clingy white skirt (she's wearing brown granny undies) and suddenly, I don't feel so bad anymore.

In Desperation For Bubbles

Here I am, sitting outside the Cheras Pool in my car, 10 minutes early. Just for an opportunity to jump in a pool with my scuba gear.

How desperate can a girl get?

I have had an epiphany.

My boyfriend is smart.
I mean, really smart.

I knew that before, but I didn't know how much. And he's articulate. Really articulate.

But here's the thing.

I've always wanted someone who's articulate and smart, but not necessarily more articulate and smarter. And my ego is taking a beating.

Ok, I have to admit it. I have a mild superiority complex when it comes to intelligence and communication skills. I suppose I sort of know, deep down, that in this world there are people who are infinitely smarter and definitely better talkers - it's just that I'd never met any of them.

And then comes Mr. Brilliantly Arrogant. And of course, like anyone who feels herself threatened, I hiss and scratch and claw my way up his self-confidence, trying to tear it down. The Brits call it Tall Poppy Syndrome.

Gosh, I'm such a bitch.

I'm currently on an indulgent, self-loathing spree, so please forgive me if I sound ridiculously emo. No worries, it'll all end soon, and I'll be my smug, superior self in no time.


Mood: Whatever

Robotech - Live Action Movie?

Well.

Let me say it now. I think I hit puberty at about the time Robotech was first aired on Malaysian TV, which contributed a great deal to my falling unequivocally in LURVE with Zor Prime.

Which is probably why I am so excited about even a hint of a rumour about a live-action Robotech movie. The sheer genius of a man to combine THREE completely separate Japanese anime series into one seamless whole is just ... just... genius. Words fail me.

Having said that though, along with the feelings of geeky excitement and nostalgia, there is also a twinge of apprehension. On the one hand, there was Lord Of the Rings. Masterfully executed by a true fan. On the other, Transformers. A good movie, but you just knew he wasn't a fan.

And then I read that it's being produced by (and possibly stars) Tobey MacGuire. And my heart sinks.

Well, to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe TM is a Robotech geek. He certainly looks like some kind of a geek.

Watch this space.

Well, not literally, but watch this space anyway.

Link to article

Mood: Psychotic Excitement

LOLCats II

Taken from the I Can Has Cheezeburger? Website


Mood: Bwaaa ha ha ha ha ha

Curiosity

Am watching Kingdom of Heaven on Astro.

Why were certain arabic lines censored?

LOLCats - The Beginning

I have been addicted to this for about half a year now. I think it is time to share my madness.





Taken from the I Can Has Cheezeburger? Website


Mood: Bwaaa ha ha ha ha ha

Randomness

On the way to dinner and drinks with Tim and Jeremy. It's been months since we've been together socially and suddenly I realise how much I miss these dudes.

By the way, I'm blogging while sitting in the back of a Waja charging down to Sri Hart. The mind boggles at how connected we humans are nowadays.